This is hard. This is very hard. Another mom, a fellow roadschooler, who I have never met in person, warned me. She said I need to know that the closer "it" gets, the harder it will get. I get it now. (See what I did there hehe) She was right, and I am glad that after a few days of spiritual warfare, I was able to look up and see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Joey and I have been arguing for days. Blame, guilt, stress, fear, the devil has been using them all. The kids are doing their best to stay out of the way and hang onto the faith they have grasped onto. (There, I said it)
But there is faith, at least I still have that. I have had more than one person lately ask me if I have had any second thoughts, any doubts in what I feel like the Lord has been telling me. My answer is a firm NO. The few moments in the beginning where I wavered in my faith, God showed me (and I blogged about it) other people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, who had faith that didn't make sense, and where He took them. Especially at this time of year, Mary really comes to mind. She didn't really have a choice but to have faith, did she? I mean she was already kinda pregnant. People probably thought she was crazy. SHE probably thought she was crazy! But a baby was born, and we celebrate His birthday soon. And if God can do that, He can do anything. I believe!
As we come into this Christmas season, the season of celebration, but also of giving, our family will be buying an RV. Every penny we have will be towards the BEST Christmas present that the world could produce for our family right now. Our home until further notice. Our kids won't be disappointed in how few boxes might be under the tree, though the devil might try to sneak the lies through their joy. Our kids will be with us, and we will be with them. We will be spending time together, with our family and friends. We won't worry about what presents to buy, or how many decorations to put up in our RV (but that will be fun!). Our family will be celebrating the birth of our Savior, the start of something completely new, and the time and resources we will now have to use so much more wisely. That is all we need.
It is such a challenge to find words to type right now. My mind is almost numb with all the thoughts that are running through it. I know God wants me to be sharing all the bits and pieces of this adventure (I can't think of a better word), but even thinking about the past few days right now is making me tired. I am going to apologize now for any run-on sentences or horrible grammar mistakes that be in this post. I am going to sum it up in as few words as possible. Phone, with all pics of everything being sold, decided to dive into my protein shake. Next day, kitchen faucet decides to start squirting water everywhere... and then not doing anything at all. Now I am using a phone that is barely working because the technology has surpassed it ten-fold. But, I am so thankful for my indestructible phone! Even if I can't Facebook half the time :). (At least I have a phone) And I am thankful for clean water in my garden hose and a window in my kitchen, so I can still wash dishes in the kitchen, and not in the bath tub (that doesn't drain). (At least I have dishes to wash) New houses have crappy plumbing. That is today's service announcement.
I think I need to go to bed now, I am starting to see double. I knew I needed to at least write something. Please continue to pray for protection from the devil for our whole family. Please pray for the perfect RV with no problems that we are not able to fix. Thank you!
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