Today we went to Ocala right after church, even packed up the dog, to go look for RV's. It was another disappointing day... the RV's we liked were overpriced, and the rest seem to all smell bad. One smelled like it had been a vet's office RV. Horrible.
As you can imagine, I am feeling completely defeated, exhausted, and a little hopeless. What, Heather? How could you feel hopeless when God has called you to this? Well, I know I can "hear" God's voice, and I know only He can change my heart the way it has been changed. I know that all the events leading to this very moment have all been for a reason. However, I cannot read God's mind. (wouldn't that be crazy if I could) So, we are still just waiting, waiting on the world to change... oh, no, sorry, song lyrics. Seriously, we are moving out of this house tomorrow completely. We are moving the rest of our stuff into a second storage locker, handing over the keys, and staying with our friends until we finally find the RV that is perfect for us. I can't be in this house for another minute. I need to move out and move on, even if we don't know where we are going to be next.
Yes, I know how crazy we are... but, think about the friends who just took our family in, all 6 of us, and the dog too. They are really crazy. Or they will be soon. LOL! I was crying out to God again tonight, feeling like I am somehow letting my family down, almost like I am failing them, and He showed me the amazing life change in these friends who are opening their home to us. How because of us, they are showing Jesus's love to us with no questions asked. He showed me how He can make anything beautiful, and that even if we don't have an RV to move into yet, we still have a roof over our heads and we are still together as a healthy family. What more do we need? Really, nothing.
I can't imagine how jumbled the last few posts I have written might seem, and I don't really go back and re-read or proof read before I push the publish button... I don't want to change what I am writing from my heart, just because my head says that it could be written better, or with bigger words, or more description. I want you all to know what my heart is feeling through all of this.
OH! Random thought, but important to this... so I was crying earlier, like I said... and after the kids were finally in bed, I laid down and turned on the TV for a few minutes. Joel Olsten was just coming on, and I was about to change it, since I am just not really into TV evangelism, but I stopped to hear a sermon from him, since he is under the microscope with a lot of Christians over his "feel good, prosperity" messages. Guess what, they are right. He is a feel good, prosperity preacher. But today, I needed to hear that. He was talking about faith, choosing to believe in something even though the facts say it just can't happen. He brought up the same points over and over, about sick having faith to be healed, about finances and how we can have faith to come through the struggles and come out on top, and faith to improve other parts of life. But he kept saying "faith, faith, you gotta have faith" And he is right. Above all, that is what my life is all about. Choosing to have faith, even though the facts don't add up. And why should I stop believing now? Everything I have put my faith in God for up to this point, has come out for the very best. Starting with my precious first born child, and down to every little detail of this new adventure we are trying to start. And I am going to choose to keep having faith.
I am so tired right now, that I am hoping that I said enough tonight, but I can't even keep my eye lids open to try to write anymore. Please don't stop praying, and thank you so much for reading my blog. I hope it will bless you, like writing it is a blessing to me. Sweet dreams.
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